Sunday, November 17, 2013

Talk about a dream........try to make it REAL

Lights out tonight, trouble in the heartland.
Got a head-on collision, smashin in my guts man.
Im caught in a crossfire that I don't understand.
But there's one thing I know for sure girl:
I don't give a damn for the same old played out scenes
I don't give a damn for just the in-betweens.
Honey I want the heart, I want the soul, I want control right now.
You better listen to me baby:
Talk about a dream; try to make it real.
You wake up in the night with a fear so real.
You spend your life waiting for a moment that just don't come.
Well don't waste your time waiting

Lyrics to songs.....listen to a song and have it have a whole new meaning when you hear it two days later.  On Friday night as I drove home from a full day at work.  It was my day off, but I went in anyway I went in extra early and still left late feeling defeated and drained in every sense of the words......felt very uninspired.  I listen to E Street radio and it is an escape.  Well, Jim Rotolo's show was on live this Friday night and they were talking about Bruce's live box sets.  One of my favorites to talk about in the store too....starting to get ironic.  But, then someone calls from Asbury Park and my heart is lifted.  So, happy to hear someone telling the world to visit Asbury in the off season.  Then Jim Rotolo actually mentions me and then the caller Frank mentions Glen.  JOY sets in.  I am elated.  What better song to celebrate then to sing along to Badlands.
Saturday I get in the car to work a late shift.  Echoes of Glen warning me to put the @#$@$%& insurance card in my car that has been sitting on the kitchen counter for weeks.  I put it in the car and start noticing how neglected my car is that has been so good getting me back and forth this sixth day of working this week.  I start driving.....I think I should make a quick stop on my way to get some supplies to make some things for Greetings from Geralyn.  I then decide I am doing the wrong thing that there will be lines.  I should call work in case I am late.  I look with one hand in my bag to make sure I have the number......I know I should just wait........I stop I am stopped at a traffic light....I should look again  I look down and decide it's a bad idea.  I take my foot off the brake and the next thing I know I have hit the car in front of changes in a second.  Racing thoughts and I have to make sure the person in front of me is ok.......I then see the dog cages in the back and have to be reassured they are ok.  The person I hit goes on to tell me what a horrible day she is having and is very sweet...I am repeating I am sorry over and over again.  I am not thinking right and am happy to just sit back in the car and just think.........think......think.   What if I didn't put the insurance card back in my car? ALL  the all ifs are running through my brain.  I instantly have an I give up attitude swimming through a deflated balloon I wait and wait and wait for the police to arrive.  But, I sit and go from a shaking mess to calm.  I call Glen.....I call my manager and tell them what is up.  Long story short.......I am not hurt....the person in front of me is not car has damage to the plastic  bumper.....I still am not sure if I damaged her car...will have to see what the accident report says.  The officer gives me a ticket but tells me to go to the court date to fight it.  I write down what he tells me.  I surprisingly drive to work and arrive to work about a half and hour late which shocks me because I sat there for 40 minutes.     I work my shift and drive home.  Wake up this morning and tell Glen to listen at 8am for the repeat of the radio show.  I end up driving to Starbucks to refuel my tank (it is empty at this point).  I listen again to the songs that lifted my spirits so much on Friday.  Jersey Girl and those words of my job leaving me so uninspired......No Surrender is meaning don't give up Geralyn.....hang in there!!!  And finally they talk about Convention Hall again and I feel so GRATEFUL!  And then the words of every lyric in Badland has a different meaning for me, as always.  But, now I REALLY have a head on collision to deal with not just with my car, but my life!  Why do the lyrics from Bruce's song ring so true to me?  Why sometimes is it just not my feeling that, but something REAL happening?  Why did my husband stress the importance of putting the insurance card in my car?  All I feel to help me IS to  make sure I am on board......I am on the train......I am on that track and damn it......I am rising above these Badlands anyway I know how and that is by showing up!!!!!  I am on board!!!!  Get ready because this train is still a roller coaster for me, but I believe with all my heart that it may be a wild ride but, it is one that is worth it!!!!!!  It ain't no sin to be glad you are alive.