One step UP and two steps back

Oh no...........I have been talking about religion and now politics.  Something never to talk about!  This picture was taken a year ago during the Film Festival.  The big party was held in Convention Hall.  So much has happened in a year.  Ed Asner, who is pictured, was hospitalized this week. The bar Aqua across the way did not renew or finish their 5 year lease.  When I first opened the store I knew it was a dream come true.  I shared how I felt about the building, before the threat of the building being closed happened.  I share my one step up....two steps back attitude about EVERYTHING.  I am always knocking on wood before I share anything good  happening in my life.  I love our country, but I have to say the government has killed any dream I have ever had.  I take a wait and see attitude.  It took me at least 30 years to open a business and now this.  I don't blame who I rent my space from like most people do.  No, we have had experience in owning rental property.  Ten years ago paying high taxes, carrying flood insurance, not getting tenants because of  laws being enforced for noise violations, not getting tenants because of debris  washed ashore, we had to sell that property.  Then, the house we lived in became to hard to pay for without our income property and taxes became too high and flood insurance was needed there, also.  Most was local government, some state and some federal.  Just enough to say, enough already!  Before, we had children we did do a cross country trip calling it the Check it Out America tour.  We picked out about three places we felt we could move to for a better life.  Camano Island by Seattle, Washington, Kansas City, and St. Augustine, Florida.  Camano Island we actually were so close to buying a house it was embarassing that we didn't sign the papers.  I couldn't, I was being treated at home for infertility and wanted to continue with the same doctor at home.  So, that September we came home.  We both started back to work and worked full time and very hard and were blessed with me being pregnant with twins by that December.  I am getting very side tracked here.  But, anyway the very things that we want, just don't come easy.  Then when we get them they become even harder to keep.  I am used to this by now.  I will have to adjust.  We will be some place on the boardwalk and hope for the best this summer.  I want the big picture.  I want to have my own business and be a part of something.  I am not going to lose hope or faith.  I can't wait to see what three years looks like on the Asbury Park boardwalk.........I am going to take those two steps back........just so I can be there for the one step UP!!!!!!!

To Everything There Is a Season.....turn...turn...turn....

Wow......eleven days have passed.  When I think of those years of the early 70's I truly am as sad as when it was all happening and I do get quiet and it is sometimes too painful to dredge up.  A lot has happened in the last few days.  The new Pope Francis was announced.  Seeing St. Peter's reminds me of the church I went to as a child and was baptized in.  It is St. Catharine's in Spring Lake.  March 13th also reminded me of the Anniversary of the first sighting by the three children at Fatima in 1917.  I always loved the story because it was two girls and one boy and I couldn't imagine how brave they were to unite 70,000 people to witness the dancing sun on October 13th.  Since, this is my birthday  I always related to the story also.  Again, since I am looking for a miracle this year I am looking to the past.   The last few weeks I have been dealing with Convention Hall may be closing for a year or two to put in a sprinkler system.  I wrote in the beginning of February what the building has meant to me.  It is making me pretty crazy.  Luckily, we have booked a vacation for the end of the month.  I am probably not going to do any more writing until I come back.  Trying to find the positive in all this is exhausting and paralyzing.  My mom has visited Yugoslavia and Argentina to see the current day Apparitions.  I have always admired the spirituality quality of my mom and am starting to relate more to that side of me as I get older.  She really has a deep core of belief and faith and practices it daily.  I tend to just rely on it to know everything will be alright in the long run.  But, I am glad for my childhood education and core beliefs.  Just like the blossoms of those trees in the picture of St. Catharines......they are just buds barely in sight but, soon they will be beautiful flowers.  To everything there is a season......

Eric Church - Springsteen

I want to share my story, but I don't want to hurt anyone.  So, the best way I know how to put  this is:  my family, like our country, suffered a very disheartening time during the seventies.  My brother and sister became teenagers during this time.  And, with all that happened it took all of my parents attention and energy to help them survive that time.  All, I can say is I was the observer.  It changed my thinking and my dreams forever.  My mom said I was born stubborn and independent.  Anytime she said she would try to help me.....I would put my foot down and say I can do it!  I knew if I wanted anything in this life it was up to me.  Like I said earlier I wanted the storybook life, but I wasn't so sure during this time if anyone would want to share that dream with me.  I was very shy and quiet and it was a great defense of getting close enough to anyone to have to tell anyone what was going on in my household.  Once I turned sixteen I would say that all changed.  I think I had to grow up pretty quick.  As much as what all happened was very sad, it helped me want to be in control of myself and not get into any trouble.  I knew my parents had enough going on, they didn't need  anymore worries.  So, I started working after eighth grade as a counselor for children with learning disabilities.  This was a great summer job.  It got me out of the house and with other people and I met a few people I would see in High School.  I went to Manasquan High School which has seven sending districts.....so out of about 360 students I was now attending school with about 30 people I knew.  I stayed  friends with my best friend who went to St. Rose and that was my social life for the first two years of High School.

My hometown

I don't have many pictures of elementary school, but this year was special because I reunited with some of my friends that I had not seen since eighth grade.  Some memories were stirred up.  Everyday after school included a walk to town, where I would cross the foot bridge, walk the indian trails, swing on a swing, buy a candy bar and walk home.  Also, like I said there was not much social time on weekends. I did go to girl scout meetings.  Also, one of the funny things I remembered was there was a group of girls and the two girls next to me were included.  We formed a club and it was  called the club.  We had a president, vice-president, secretary and treasurer.  It consisted of about ten members.  It was a bit exclusive, which is funny because that is what I hated most about elementary school was feeling like an outsider.  We would have dues and figure out one fun thing to do a month.  We would vote on it and then figure out how we would get rides to things such as bowling, roller skating and I think we even went horse back riding.  Each month it was at a different member's house and they would be in charge of refreshments.   In the neighborhood we would put on plays on porches or have pretend wedding ceremonies picking flowers for our bouquets.  Later we would play with the boys such games as dodge ball, last one,  we would climb trees, and even take one of our neighbors row boats out on the lake and fish.  During the summer there was a movie theatre right down the street we could walk to.  Many times I would also walk to the boardwalk and sit on the rail and listen to a string band.  During this time there were  three grand hotels.  I loved to just watch when the hotel guests would be done their dinners and stroll the boardwalk with their formal attire including long dresses for the women and tuxes for the men.  One of the grandest hotels was torn down when I was about twelve and that was sad.  It was really the beginning of  a sad time.  The grand days of Spring Lake were over and it was the residents of the town that wanted it that way.  Something I will never understand.  The zoning for the town is when an hotel is torn down or burns down (which was happening a lot also) only single residential houses could be re built on the space.  This meant less business for the area stores, ice cream parlors and that movie theatre didn't last too much longer after that either.

On the road again....

So, life so far is seeming pretty picture perfect.  This is a picture of my mom and dad.  The sign behind them says Stelle's Stones.  My dad has on a bolo tie and in front of him is some of his creations.  I said before he worked full time as an electrical engineer at Fort Monmouth.  Well, he also had a huge collection of rock and minerals.  He made jewelry and bolo ties.  Our life after I was in school full time was packing the car.  Picking my dad up at work Friday afternoon, driving to a rock show on average about 2 1/2 hours away, setting up the show, working and selling at the show, on Sunday packing up  and driving home Sunday night.  Monday we all went off to school and work and then Friday we did it all over again.  It is rare to see my parents sitting down....they probably were asked to, because my father firmly believed to sell you had to stand.....no sitting while on duty as it was called.  This was our life for about ten years, which was a good chunk of my childhood.  It didn't leave much time for birthday parties and social activities on the weekends or the beach.